Unheard Melody

Unheard Melody

It didn’t matter who he was anymore. A silent matchstick just hoping to catch the last breath of flame to reignite , something before everything else around him died.

There was nothing conventiental in his thoughts or actions. He used to believe in “The Great Hope”. He used to believe in brilliant tomorrows, in change and of course the most elusive of them all, Love.

It was some 10:30 am, not exactly early, not exactly late by L.A. standards…. But definitely the perfect time to start his day off with 25¢ depth chargers and kamikazes. “Ain’t Nuthin’ like the spoils of rot guy for breakfast to start you on your day….. “

Today had started out actually promising for once, he allowed himself a glimmer of happiness to enter and invade his life… had he been foolish once once again? Or was there some freak technical obstruction that kept HER silent away from all that he had been working towards, for THEM.

Feeling was the manifestation of pain and total black out of communication was a slippery slope, one that he tried to guide himself through. . His stupid illness placed the blame fully on himself, and the echoing words of “I told you so, I knew that you would get hurt”, never trailed far behind his understanding of what might have beens.

He knew he was not perfect, to mushy on the vulnerable side with a confidence that had been chewed up and spit out by some Ninja Bullet…. Because he needed to believe, In Her.

He felt his remains…. Dwindling away, without purpose when just just so recently , he declared joy and happiness that out weighed any of those alive, in the presence of today. He Knew Beauty, He Knew Happiness, He knew Joy and Hope and for the first time in his 50+ years, things had finally made sense, and for some reason, it felt like the shiney red carpet was being pulled from beneath his feet causing him to fall and lose everything in mere moments ….because it was HE surely it was some silly way of trying to sabotage himself for not deserving … Her

“My inner voice that likes me so thrives telling me how stupid I am for thinking I’m worthy of Love…it just found a way to get in tonight…and I typed going as in going to feel better tomorrow..not as in going, going.”……….

Are you? …. going, going…….?

Is this the reason why? I have not heard from you in 24 hours?

Truly,
I have never felt this confusion or pain…. On the day with the biggest surprises that surely would have been bliss….. And I still try to maintain hope… But as the Capricorn feels so does the Aquarian…. For we are one in the same …..

MB93